The Club Notice board Contact info Directions to the club History Chat  Fixtures and results 1st team results 2nd team results  The players Player profiles Where are they now?  Fun stuff Photo albums Club legends A guide to Sawston Local clubs Jokes		-- A guide to Sawston -- For those of you new to the club, or for those who are too thumbed by their women to have experienced the delights of Sawston on a Saturday night, here is a rough guide to an evening in the village: The walk to the center of the village is a delight and takes you past some famous landmarks. Immediately as you leave the school grounds is the home of the famous Jarvis family, and just a little further down the road is the Hotel Baldy. Continuing towards the center of the village you pass the spot where the "Sawston six" were finally surrounded by the police and arrested after being on the run for over 15 minutes. The first stop is the Greyhound pub run by Ivor. Scene of the past few annual dinners, and a drinking oasis after the long trek from the club. Filling up your own glasses when you think Ivor is not looking is not recommended as Ivor seems to be physcic somehow. A short walk takes you past the Jade Palace chinese restaurant. Very posh and expensive and apparently the Chinese president ordered chow mein and prawn crackers from here once. Customers are usually having very boring romantic meals and like nothing better than drunk rugby players cheering up their dull evening with a few stares or better still, moonies. This walk takes you past the Lloyds and Barclays banks, so Bob can go and get some more money to buy us more beer. The next famous landmark is John Simpson's pub, the Woolpack. World renowned for his warmth, generosity and tasty barmaids, John is a club vice president so be very nice to him and drink lots of beer. Also, if he offers to let you punch him in the gut don't do it as he's a big fat bloke and I nearly broke my wrist once. Leaving the Woolpack you pass the Redfort Indian restaurant. Don't go in here because if you do you're a scab bastard, and you're automatically banned anyway because you are a rugby club member. Even if you do get in they'll probably gob in your curry cos they're all bastards. Banging on the windows and shouting "You're bastards, you bastards" is allowed though. The final two pubs on this excursion are the Queens Head and the Black Bull. These are the best places to meet tottie, although that's not saying much. Local girls tend to be glamorous, friendly and about 16. Try conversing with them in their local language using such phrases as "Fancy a chinese and a shag?", "Fancy a dance and a shag?" or just "Shag?". This leaves just two more landmarks. The first is the chinese takeaway which tastes bloody delicious at that time of night. This is the best time and place to either watch a fight or start a fight of your own. The second and last landmark of the tour is the taxi rank. It usually takes about two hours to order a taxi unless you are Bob as he has slept with most of the drivers, so you should have booked one earlier in the evening but it's too late now so you'll have to stay at Baldy's and get a good tonguing off Tara. Don't get your hopes up though as Tara is an alsatian.