The Club Notice board Contact info Directions to the club History Chat  Fixtures and results 1st team results 2nd team results  The players Player profiles Where are they now?  Fun stuff Photo albums Club legends A guide to Sawston Local clubs Jokes		-- Club Legends -- Some of these stories may have some basis in truth, but it is unlikely... Tour to Gainsborough This was the shortest rugby tour ever. The coach brought the touring side to their destination of Gainsborough but due to excessive drinking and letting fireworks off from the coach sunroof aimed at the local constabulary, the tourers were escorted to the county border and told not to come back. On the very first evening. Knuckles and the chickens Details are a bit hazy on this one, but apparently Knuckles managed to sell a lorry load of rotting chickens to a curry house on Mill Road. Knuckles still won't eat chicken to this date. Rolphy, the barmaid and the masturbation While talking to an attractive barmaid on tour, Rolphy decided to have a wank at the bar. Totally unfazed by this, the barmaid just said, "You are going to clear that up when you're finished". Sawston six After celebrating a "double" 1sts and 2nds victory six players, Baldy, Brian, Nudger, Crumble, Sinead and Jarvy, ended up in the local curry house. After enjoying the meal they decided to round off the evening with a quick rendition of "One man on the chair". Unfortunately, after getting to just four men on the chair, it gave way. This could have been due to the poor quality of the curry house's chairs or to the fact that the four players weighed a combined 70 stone. The police were called and while the six made their escape they were rounded up 15 minutes later having managed to stumble just 30 yards up the road. The six spent the next fourteen hours in police cells until the police could be bothered to photograph and fingerprint them. Two court cases and a 200 pound fine later, the local restauranteers thought it was all over. But we've nicked two more chairs from your restaurant since. So who's laughing now? And your curry is shit. Mr R, the prison and the drugs A certain player (we'll call him Mr R) was playing in the team against Littlehey prison. A very daunting place to play rugby when you are surrounded by 20 foot high fences and several hundred bored looking convicts. Unfazed, by all of this, Mr R, purchased some of Afghansitan's finest from one of the inmates and smoked it all the way home. Perhaps this is a good way of solving the prison drugs problem. Just let us buy it all from them. Tinker Ahhhh Tinker! Seducer of local women, banned from the rugby club for fighting club members, smashed the local curry house window with a brick and possibly the worst scrum half the club has ever seen (including Lardy). Now reputed to be settled down in Bristol with twins (babies that is). Lovely bloke though, and we all miss him. Billy Big Bollocks We thought we'd show off our club party piece down at our old friend's, Hayes RUFC, place at an end of season do. So Knuckles got his nob out and showed them how he could insert three Cadbury's cream eggs underneath his foreskin simultaneously. The Hayes boys were pretty impressed, but we were gobsmacked when they retaliated with "Billy Big Bollocks". Billy really does live up to his name. He is a freak of nature and has nads the size of grapefruit. I have never seen anything like it, and I don't particularly want to see anything like it again. We won a trophy once Several years ago we were Eastern Counties division 5 champions. At the awards dinner we were treated to speeches by several old farts talking about their game of golf that they'd had that day. Tossers. Still, Tommo stole the hotel reception board. The Hundred Club After a hard game of rugby a dozen or so volunteers formed the "hundred club". Each person had to drink 100 camera film canister cases of beer, one per minute. It started off easy enough and people were having no problem after the first half hour. Then the fun began. Puke started to flow freely, but you had to get back within the minute for your next beer. Going for a piss was no excuse either, you had just 60 seconds to do the business. To help us along Barry Lang bought dozens of packs of peanuts. It helped for a bit, but in the end it just made your vomit more lumpy. Tommo falling out of a door There's not much that needs explaining here really. Tommo got very drunk, started sneezing as per normal, and leant against a fire exit which wasn't closed very firmly. Unfortunately for Tommo we were in a portacabin at the time and he still had three feet to fall before bouncing on his head. Brian Kendall Brian Kendall is an alcoholic Kiwi. He's not very good at rugby but he is very, very good at drinking. Drink driving laws don't apply to Brian. And he's very generous too. He once tried to buy all his mates a prostitute each in London, "cos you're me mates!". Brian nearly got beat up by a peep show manager once because he refused to pay extra just because he'd "touched himself". Gareth, the stripper and the whip When we got a stripper for a "stag night" at the club, Gareth "Up For Anything" was bound to be chosen for the floor show. After being stripped naked, the woman had him lying on his back on the floor with his nob tied by the end of a whip and dancing like a snake. A little snake. Beasty and the undercover surveillance team Andrew East is possibly the maddest person to play for Sawston ever. Once chased by an entire opposition pack after punching the opposing winger from the sidelines, he was once convinced he was being followed. He even got other club members to drive behind him and flag down the car "following" him but it turned out to be an old granny off to play bingo. Beasty's whereabouts are now unknown so maybe he was telling the truth after all... Excrutiating Pain A certain player somehow managed to burn the end of his penis while watching Eastenders and ironing in the nude. Sounds so bizarre it must be true. The tour that never was Due to just a slight oversight our tour for 2002 to Cardiff was booked for the same weekend that the FA cup final was being held. So at the last minute the tour destination was changed to the clubhouse where we proceeded to get very very drunk.